In my teens and early 20s I had a lot of plans. Plans for
exactly how my life was going to go and plans for when it was going to go that
way. In trying to make my plans my reality, I compromised my values and lived a
life that did not glorify God.
I was active in church playing piano, singing, teaching
Sabbath school… I was the pastor’s daughter. I had a solid intellectual belief
in God, but the journey from the head to the heart can be a long one. So while
I believed, I did not surrender.
So here I was with all these plans. And one by one through
many failed relationships and unemployment, lack of friends, loneliness… God
brought me to a place where all my plans had failed over and over again and I
had nothing left except to say “I give up.” I was tired of hurting, I was tired
of compromising, I was tired of the guilt and the shame that followed
compromise… I was tired of the seemingly never-ending cycle of failure.
God was teaching me through many different ways that He can
be trusted.
But while God was working in many small ways to teach me
that I could trust Him and that if I surrendered to Him He would not fail me,
He was also showing me in a really large way.
It was my first job as a dental hygienist. I was asked to do
things on a daily basis that were not only unethical, but illegal. I was
looking for another job and saving money in case they fired me for
insubordination, but in February 2011, I’d had enough and quit. I’d like to say
this was a step of faith, but it really wasn’t because I had plans and a
savings account.
This is where God really began to work. Once again, the plans
I had didn’t work out and for the first time in my life, I didn’t have a plan…
I didn’t even know what I wanted. My mom said to me, “Amber, just fill-in. You
don’t have to have a plan right now.” As a hygienist I can fill-in for
hygienists in any office when they need to be off work for any reason. The work
is not always steady, and you’re at the mercy of someone else’s schedule.
I was living with my parents at the time in Statesville,
NC, and because my dad is a pastor, I knew
that it was only a matter of time before God called him to pastor another
district and my parents moved from Statesville.
I didn’t want to be stuck in Statesville
with a new job, but no family and no friends. I felt God calling me to just
fill-in and wait on Him and His timing and His plans and even turned down job
offers. Though it made no sense, I had peace knowing that I was doing exactly
what God wanted me doing at that time.
I didn’t plan to not look for a job and just fill-in for a
year, but in waiting on God that’s what happened.
Month after month I would look ahead at my calendar and have
nothing scheduled… but by the end of that month I would look back and see that
God had provided me with more than enough work to pay my bills and He even gave
me extra. There were many months when I was working the equivalent of full-time
and having to turn down work because I had too much. Of the entire year that I
filled in and didn’t look for full-time work, there was only one month that I
did not have enough work to cover my bills, and I had my savings account for
that.
God showed me over and over again that He could and would
provide for my every need. In February of this year, my parents moved to Gastonia, NC, and I began
looking for a job in the South Carolina upstate
to move back to Spartanburg.
I prayed, “God please put me where YOU want me.” I had a lot of leads, but God
very firmly closed doors. And then I interviewed with Dr. Bragdon. It was not
the best interview I’ve ever had, but when I left the interview I felt complete
peace that it was the job that God had for me… but still I waited a month for
the job offer to come. I have now been working for Dr. Bragdon for 3 months and
still believe that this is exactly where God wants me.
Because God provided for my every need and ultimately gave
me the job that is the perfect fit for me, I know that I can trust that God
knows the desires of my heart and He has a plan for me in every aspect of my
life.
In the past, when life didn’t go as I had planned, I fell
apart. Now I know that when life doesn’t go as planned, I can fall on Jesus. I
have peace in my life that I never had before. I know that God is still good,
because He is still God.
My dad used to tell me, “Write your plans in pencil and give
God the eraser.” Though it is now God who writes my story, I still have hopes
and dreams. But my hopes and dreams are written in pencil and God holds the
eraser and I’m ok with that, because when He erases mine and rewrites His story
into my story it’s always so much better than anything I had planned.
I can look forward to the future with hope, knowing that the
same God who provides for my physical needs, can be trusted with my heart and
my hopes and dreams.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.” Jeremiah 29:11
